Remembering The Vivienne, Celebrating History, and Facing Uncertainty

The tragic passing of Jame Lee Williams, aka The Vivienne last month, sent shockwaves through our LGBTQ+ community in Liverpool and beyond. Their vibrant personality and groundbreaking success as the first UK winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race UK brought joy and visibility to many. Whilst the support James gave to Sahir House will always be remembered, it’s crucial to remember the ongoing challenges faced by LGBTQ+ individuals in our city and beyond.

LGBTQ+ History Month & Sahir House:

This February, we celebrate LGBTQ+ History Month, a time to reflect on the struggles and triumphs of our community. It’s a reminder of the countless individuals who fought for our rights and paved the way for generations to come.

As you are no doubt aware, Sahir House plays a vital role in supporting our LGBTQ+ community in Liverpool. We provide a safe and inclusive space for individuals to access mental health services, find support, and connect with others. Perhaps given the current political climate in the USA, with the rise of transphobic legislation under the Trump administration, many of us have good reason to be worried.

Recent events in the USA are causing deep anxiety within the LGBTQ+ community here in the UK. We are witnessing a dangerous erosion of rights and a surge in hate crimes against transgender individuals. This has a profound impact on our collective mental health. Many of us are experiencing heightened fear, anger, and a sense of hopelessness. We may feel powerless to stop the tide of transphobia and worry about the potential impact on our own lives and the lives of our loved ones. For many older members of our community, historical memories of the discrimination and hatred we faced in the past, may come flooding back.

Finding Hope and Resilience:

It’s crucial that we remember our strength and resilience as a community. We have faced adversity before and overcome significant challenges. We must continue to support each other, stand in solidarity with our trans-siblings, and fight for a more just and equitable world.

Onto other matters this month – We’ve got Valentines Day! Love it or hate it, I thought as a therapist it would be good to explain what happens in our bodies when we fall in love, and why we can seem to lose the plot!

Attraction, the initial spark that draws us to someone, is largely driven by our primal instincts. Irrespective of sexuality or gender, our brains are constantly scanning the environment for potential partners. This process is largely unconscious, guided by ancient programming.

When we meet someone we find attractive, our brains release a cocktail of chemicals. Pheromones, subtle chemical signals, play a role in this initial attraction, though their influence on humans is still being researched. We also get dopamine surges, creating feelings of pleasure, excitement, and motivation. This is the same chemical released when we experience other rewarding activities, like eating delicious food or achieving a goal. It’s what makes us feel good when we’re around the person we’re attracted to, driving us to seek their company.

There are other chemicals at play too which increase our heart rate, trigger sweating, and create that “butterflies in the stomach” feeling. This is also why we get that heightened sense of alertness and focus we experience when we’re with someone we find attractive. This combination of dopamine and norepinephrine creates a state of intense focus and excitement, which can be incredibly exhilarating.

As attraction deepens and moves towards what we call “romantic love,” other chemicals come into play. This is what contributes to that “can’t eat, can’t sleep” feeling often associated with new love.

But perhaps the most crucial hormone in the bonding process is oxytocin, often referred to as the “love hormone”. Oxytocin is released during physical contact, such as hugging, kissing, and intimacy. It promotes feelings of trust, attachment, and closeness, strengthening the bond between partners. This is why physical touch is so important in romantic relationships; it reinforces those feelings of connection and intimacy.

All well and good so far you may think. However, this intoxicating cocktail of chemicals can also have some less desirable side effects.

When we’re in the throes of new love, our brains can become a bit foggy. The part of the brain responsible for rational thought and judgment, can be temporarily suppressed. This explains why people in love can sometimes make impulsive decisions or overlook red flags. We become so focused on the positive aspects of the relationship that we may struggle to see things objectively.

So if you are familiar with the type of person who falls in love every other week, and tends to take leave of their sense when they do, then this should go some way to explain things.

We can get quite hooked on those intense feelings we get in those first few months of a relationship – hence the idea that we can love being in love!

If there is a particular topic you’d like me to write about then please get in touch. Feel free to send me an email with SAHIR HOUSE in the subject line to solutions@martinfurber.com

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