Happy New Year!

I hope last month was everything you wanted it to be, and you are looking forward to  the year ahead.

I tend to avoid talking about resolutions in January, let’s face it, we make them and break them year after year; and if you keep on doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep on getting what you always got. It is a good time though to think about out with the old and in with the new. As the festive season begins to fade away into our memory bank, and we get used to writing ’25 instead of ’24, it’s a natural time to reflect on many things, including perhaps our relationships. While the past few weeks may have brought joy and togetherness, it can also highlight areas where connections may need tending or even letting go.

As humans, we are inherently social creatures. Strong, supportive relationships are essential for our mental and emotional well-being, it’s something I stress frequently in this column. They provide us with a sense of belonging, purpose, and love. When we feel connected to others, we’re more likely to experience positive emotions, cope with stress, and thrive; it’s the way we have evolved.

As we embrace the new year, it can be a good time to nurture those relationships that we value. Take the time to reach out to loved ones, express gratitude, and simply listen. Small gestures, like a phone call, a handwritten letter, or a thoughtful gift, can go a long way in strengthening bonds.

Sometimes, as much as we may wish it were different, relationships can become strained or toxic. As people, we change over time, and whilst it can be painful to let go, it’s important to recognise when a connection is no longer serving our best interests. A sign of emotional maturity is the ability for form, maintain and where necessary, to end relationships.

The new year often brings new opportunities for connection. Whether it’s a chance encounter with a friendly neighbour, a meaningful conversation with a colleague, or a deeper bond with a family member, these connections can enrich our lives. Be open to new friendships and relationships and remember that it’s never too late to make new friends. In fact, what better time than a new year to think about trying something new and making new connections?

January is also a funny old month that seems to drag on for many people. The 20th of January 2025 is often dubbed “Blue Monday,” a day supposedly coined by a travel company in 2005 to promote holiday bookings. While the validity of this specific date being the most depressing day of the year is debatable, it does serve as a reminder that many people experience a dip in mood during the winter months, especially January.

The festive period, for all it can be pleasurable, can also be emotionally and financially draining. The pressure to “enjoy” can leave many of us feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. Add to this the post-Christmas let-down, the cold, dark evenings, and the financial strain, (with the first pay day of the year still a distant glimmer), and it’s no wonder that many people feel a sense of gloom descending.

But here’s the good news: “Blue Monday” doesn’t have to be a foregone conclusion. What if we reframed this day? Instead of dreading “Blue Monday,” let’s reclaim it! Let’s use it as a catalyst for positive change, a day to prioritise our well-being and set intentions for the year ahead.

One of the core principles of the type of solution-focused therapy I practice, is to focus on what’s working, not what’s wrong. Instead of dwelling on negative thoughts (“I’m always tired,” “I’m never going to be happy”), try to identify even small moments of happiness or achievement. Did you manage to get out for a walk? Did you have a pleasant conversation with a friend? Did you complete a task you were dreading?

When we’re feeling a bit overwhelmed or burdened, it’s easy to get caught up in a cycle of negative thinking. We often jump to conclusions, assuming the worst-case scenario. For example, if a friend doesn’t respond to a message immediately, we might assume they’re ignoring us. But what if they’re simply busy?

So, if you want to avoid the January blues, but find yourself constantly veering towards the negative, try this little technique.

• Identify the thought: What is the negative thought that’s bothering you?
• Evidence for and against: What evidence supports this thought? What evidence contradicts it?
• Alternative explanations: Are there any other possible explanations for this situation?
• Impact of the thought: How does this thought make you feel? What impact does it have on your behaviour?

By questioning our thoughts, we can begin to break free from negative thought patterns and start to build a more positive outlook as we think about the rest of the month.

My main aim in writing these newsletters, is to help stop the stigma when it comes to having conversations about our mental health and well-being. If there is a particular topic you’d like me to write about then please get in touch. Feel free to send me an email with SAHIR HOUSE in the subject line to solutions@martinfurber.com

If you would like to know more about the private treatments I offer then please check out my website  https://www.martinfurber.com

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